Love is patient...

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

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15th September 2012

Wake me up when all these end. I dont know what i am fighting for anymore. I dont know what i am holding on to anymore. I dont know what path i should take.

I want to hold on. What about you?

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5 weeks now…

The past 5 weeks was filled with mixed feelings. It all started with that fateful night, and my uncontrollable emotions to rattle o about my feelings and likings. Then it was that night with martini and ciders and erdinger that led to a whole lot more confrontation and honesty. Now, as i look back, was that really me?

It all started on 10th Aug 2012. As time goes by, schedules get more packed. Minds get occupied with more important matters like real work. Thus, leading to less time for companion.

Questions start to evoke the mind. Emotions begin to run freely and wildly. Sometimes, its insane. It kills.

All i need to know is the stand that you make now. Is it still the same or stronger or lesser? How well are you coping? Does all these stifle you up, making you wanna quit? How committed and serious are you?

Bottomline, have i been too hasty? Have i been too rash? Have i….made the move the wrong time?

Dont misunderstand me. I still love you, i still wanna be there for you, i still wanna know you, i still wanna hear from you, i still wanna know what your day has been like, i still wanna hold you….. but, really… what about you? And, is it now?

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God’s grace and love

Yes, as the title suggests… the past 3 weeks or so have been very tiring - mentally, physically and, spiritually.

But, i am thankful for God’s grace and everlasting love for me. :)

I am thankful and glad that all ended well. It is really His grace and courage that were bestowed upon me to step up to the challenge and walk out from the darkness that I have been in… What i did was not me at all. But with His strength, I DID IT!

We trashed things out on thursday (the girls) and last night (him). It all started awkward, but His presence made it all smooth and easy to share and be open about feelings. and, it all went well. am thankful for His boundless grace because He loves us so much, He doesnt want to see us go through trials and tribulations.

1 Corinthians 10:13

[No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it]

The times i went through were tough. One issue after another just kept pouring in. The girls reminded me that it is times like these that I dont lose hope, but persevere with the Lord and He will show me the way. :)

Indeed, He has shown me the way. Step by step, little by little, I am seeing the light that He is shining on my path. His hands will always feel so warm and His hands will always be there for me. All I ever need to do it, CLING ON! DONT LET GO! :)

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so, reality has finally set in and smack me real hard in my face. all that has happened over the past 4months have come down to this. it is day 2 today, and it hurts like crazy. it is tearing me into pieces and eating me alive. i wished i could forget all that has happened. i wished i could erase all that memories. but, i cant. tell me how, please. i really am on the verge of losing it. i really am on the brink of shouting all my thoughts into your face. every night, i cry to sleep. every morning, i look like a wreck. i tell myself it will be okay. but, who am i kiddin here?! it is NOT OKAY! I AM NOT OKAY!

i miss you like crazy. i really do.